In a country already struggling to keep its youth hopeful amidst unemployment, systemic corruption, and limited opportunities, the tragic suicide of a young Joint Admissions and Matriculation Board (JAMB) candidate over an exam score, later discovered to be an error, has struck a painful national nerve.
It’s more than a tragic mistake; it is a mirror. A mirror reflecting how our educational system, society, and parenting culture have placed all emphasis on success but neglected the emotional resilience necessary to handle failure.
This young student, full of dreams, had one misstep. And in those few days of perceived failure, it felt like life was over. And to him, it was.
Not because she wasn’t smart enough, but because she hadn’t been taught how to emotionally survive disappointment.
Let’s be honest: we’ve trained our children to pass tests but not to endure trials. We’ve taught them how to aim for the stars but not how to get up from a fall. We’ve praised medals, but we haven’t helped them cope with mental meltdowns.
It’s time to ask the difficult but necessary question: Are we raising emotionally intelligent children, or are we simply raising achievers who cannot survive failure?
The Price of One Mistake in a Perfection-Obsessed Society
In many Nigerian homes, the pressure to excel academically begins before the child can even spell their name. Being a “first-class material,” “JAMBite with the highest score,” or “WAEC guru” are seen as status symbols not just for the student, but for the family.
So when results don’t match expectations—whether due to personal shortfalls or institutional errors—the weight of disappointment can feel crushing.
The recent case of the JAMB candidate who took his own life after seeing what he believed was a failed score (due to an error) reveals a dangerous gap in our upbringing model: the lack of emotional intelligence (EI)—the ability to perceive, understand, manage, and regulate one’s emotions in the face of pressure, defeat, or disappointment.
And in this case, the price of that emotional gap was death.
Why Success Without Emotional Intelligence Is a Time Bomb
We prepare our children to ace exams but not to face life. Unfortunately, life has a syllabus different from the one in our textbooks. It tests with rejection, heartbreak, uncertainty, and moments when nothing seems to be working. Those who are emotionally unequipped to manage such moments may crumble—some silently, others fatally.
The truth is: IQ may help your child solve an algebra equation, but only EQ will help them survive a heartbreak, a layoff, a failed dream, or public embarrassment.
We celebrate children who recite multiplication tables but ignore those who withdraw socially, are overly anxious about grades, or show signs of perfectionism so extreme it borders on obsession.
Failure Is Not a Curse. It’s a Curriculum.
From an early age, children need to be taught that failure is not the opposite of success; it’s a part of the journey to success.
Yet, failure in our society is demonized. A child who fails an exam is not just corrected—they are shamed, ridiculed, or even punished. The message is loud and clear: “If you’re not the best, you’re nothing.”
But here’s the reality: Even the best fail. Repeatedly.
- Walt Disney was told he lacked creativity.
- Albert Einstein couldn’t speak fluently till he was nine.
- Steve Jobs was fired from Apple, the very company he founded.
They succeeded not because they were shielded from failure, but because they had the mental and emotional tools to bounce back from it.
What Emotional Intelligence Training Could Look Like in Schools and Homes
- Normalize Conversations About Emotions
- Let children speak about how they feel without fear of judgment. Phrases like “big boys don’t cry” or “stop acting like a girl” only suppress emotional development.
- Parents and teachers must lead by example—sharing how they deal with disappointment, too.
- Teach Emotional Vocabulary
- Many children (and adults) don’t know how to label what they’re feeling. Introducing emotional words like “frustrated,” “anxious,” “disappointed,” or “overwhelmed” can help them better express and manage their emotions.
- Use Failure as a Teaching Tool
- Instead of asking, “Why did you fail?” ask, “What did you learn from this experience?”
- Reframe failure as feedback, not finality.
- Celebrate Effort, Not Just Outcome
- Praise the process—the studying, the perseverance—not just the result.
- Teach Coping Mechanisms
- Breathing techniques, journaling, mindfulness, or talking to a trusted adult should be taught as tools to navigate emotional stress.
- Encourage Healthy Competition, Not Cutthroat Pressure
- A child shouldn’t believe that their value is dependent on surpassing others. Comparison robs children of their joy and emotional stability.
The Role of Schools: More Than Just Academics
Schools must evolve from being exam factories to becoming emotional training grounds.
- Incorporate Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) into the Curriculum
Globally, SEL programs have shown remarkable results in improving student well-being, school climate, and academic success. - Train Teachers to Spot Emotional Red Flags
Teachers are often the first line of contact. A well-trained teacher can spot signs of anxiety, self-hate, or depression early and guide the child toward support. - Counselors Must Be More Than Names on the Payroll
School counselors must be functional and approachable, not just ceremonial. Students should see them as allies, not disciplinarians.
Parents, You Are the First Emotional Coaches
A child’s first classroom is the home. Emotional intelligence starts with what parents’ model, say, and do:
- Avoid Over-Criticizing
There’s a fine line between correction and condemnation. When a child senses that love is conditional on their success, they begin to equate mistakes with being unloved. - Teach That Identity Is Not Equal to Performance
Your child is not a failure because they failed a test. Make that distinction clear. - Help Children Develop a Growth Mindset
Teach them that abilities can improve with effort. “I can’t do it yet” is healthier than “I’m not good at this.”
The Nigerian Reality: Cultural and Systemic Pressures Don’t Help
There’s no denying that Nigerian youth are under immense pressure. The country’s unstable education system, the high unemployment rate, and the glorification of ‘overnight success’ all fuel mental distress.
In such an environment, the message often becomes: “Make it fast, or you’re a failure.” So when a child who has put in the work sees a bad score—especially in something as important as JAMB—it feels like their future has ended.
We need to fix the systemic issues, yes. But until that happens, we must equip our children to survive emotionally in the reality they live in.
Let’s Learn from This Loss
The young life we just lost cannot be recovered. But it can serve as a call to action.
We must ask:
- How many more children are silently battling anxiety, depression, or suicidal thoughts?
- How many of them are high achievers—smiling on the outside, collapsing within?
- How many are afraid to talk because “Nigerians don’t do therapy”?
This isn’t just a parenting issue. It’s a national emergency.
Solutions at a National Level
- Make Mental Health Education Mandatory
Just like civic education, emotional literacy should be a required subject in all schools. - Subsidize Therapy for Students
Especially during exam seasons, students should have access to safe, affordable, and confidential mental health services. - Promote Media Campaigns on Mental Wellness
Influencers, celebrities, and community leaders can all help normalize emotional conversations. - Correct Institutional Errors Promptly and Transparently
Errors like the one in this JAMB case must be handled with urgency and clarity. A delay in releasing corrections can cost lives.
A Society That Worships Success Must Also Teach How to Handle Failure
It’s no longer enough to raise intelligent children. We must raise emotionally intelligent children who can fail, learn, adapt, and rise.
We must change the narrative: from “Don’t fail!” to “It’s okay to fail—just don’t stop trying.”
Because if we keep producing high-achieving kids with low emotional thresholds, we will continue to bury our best and brightest, not because they lack potential, but because they lack the emotional preparation to survive their darkest hour.
Let this be a wake-up call. Let us not fail our children again.
