This is for people going on dates in search of the rights ones. This is me helping in your craft to avoid the ‘LEFT’ ones. If you are going on dates, it’s really important to know what to discuss on your first dates to avoid sounding as a psychopath or being a creep.
First date is when two weird strangers meet up to act perfect and play pretend the entire evening, while secretly assessing each other’s hygiene, feet, outfit, dentals, how they chew their food and how they talk. It’s stressful if you ask me. why do I need to act like I was dropped from heaven on a Sunday morning? What does it matter if I laugh like hyena? What if I chew like a lizard? But that’s just me. dates are too high standard and really tires me out. The high stakes hangout and chill which makes people sound like weird ass and a programmed robot. Some of you go on dates to find love, I just go to eat. I have zero business with Love, but food? I am so in. flings invisible cape
I’d rather go on hunt game show than on a date to find love. Lies in Surgical Anesthesia Am I experienced with dates? No, I am not. But will I give an unsolicited advice on what to discuss on a first date? Yes, I will. Fear Not, Love hoppers, I am here to save the day.
What Should I Discuss on the First Date ?
1. Don’t go on dates asking too much questions, except you are working for a private investigative department and your date is a murder suspect. “what do you do for work”? That’s perfect, “ever being in jail”? I think that should be a second date question. “ever trolled someone online?” trust me, in 2025, this question is very valid. You get to know who they truly are, if you know their stance on trending matters online, you’d avoid them early. Instead of following them to grin all night, ask them important questions. “what’s something you hate doing?”“what are your hobbies?” “if you weren’t working, what would you be doing”? if they say “fraud” run!!!! Or maybe stay if you have an eye for crime. I support you.
2. Don’t question their choice of food, instead, ask them why they like it and judge them on the inside. What do you mean you like tomato and pineapple as pizza toppings? Should be madness if you ask me. it’s a bonus if you two hate the same food, misery loves company. If your date is fat, avoid the word ‘diet’, instead ask them what their favorite meal is. Avoid the 50/50 trap. As a man, you should pay on the first date. Don’t come for me please, some of you are princesses with male genitals. clap hands in women leader. Why would you invite a lady out on a date and expect her to foot half the bill? I mean it was your idea, innit? Anyways, it isn’t my business, this is why I’d stay home and binge my favorite series than struggle with a brother in a random restaurant
3. Ask them about movies, music. Run from anyone who hates movies, what do you mean you hate movies? And be free to question their music Fave. dances in Wizkid fc feel free to be shocked when they mention a musician you can’t stand. Look them in the eye and shake your head in disappointment. “OMG, you like him?” proceeds to shake head in shock. But it’s okay if they hate your choice of tv shows. It’s okay if they don’t like the movie “Sinners”, life in Lagos Nigeria is horror enough, we don’t need to pay money to watch it again.
4. Ask them about their favorite vacation country. And if they have none like me, then you are in for a ride with poverty. If you have a lot of vacation experience, avoid going on and on about it, we so get it. You have traveled a lot, you can swim with it. “oh, last month I went to Seychelles, two weeks ago, I was in china for a business trip”. Instead of asking “which country did you travel to last month”, because that’s just show off. Rather, ask “if you had an opportunity for an all-expense paid trip, where would you want to go?” ask them about pets and what they think about Lions and werewolves. I just love crazy. laughs in madness If they have a dog, ask them about its name and what they do to keep them company. I could have said “cat”, but I am not a fan of cats.
5. Don’t talk about your exes and body counts, stylishingly shut them up if they bring up conversations like that. Avoid asking them out and asking them where they think they date is heading to. If you ask me such, I will say “doom, it’s heading to doom.” There is absolutely no reason under the sun, that would make you want to talk about your ex. If you meet someone who goes on and on and on about their ex to you on a first date, I’d advise you run. They are obsessed and can’t do without them.
Let me look for a good way to end or conclude this. Don’t go on dates with your creepy selves, keep your creepiness at home and pretend for 2 hours to be heaven’s greatest project on earth. The plan or goal isn’t to impress your date or completely sweep them off their feet. But it’s be a nice Lady or Gentleman. No one on a date cares if you were the first man in Jupiter, if you are mean to the waiter or butler. Keep your TED talk or advise on how to save money for rainy days to yourself. Don’t ask them how much they earn daily, weekly, monthly or yearly. This one is for my fellow gold-digging ladies. I know we are money lovers, but let’s avoid it being the first question on a first date with a brother.
Laugh if it’s funny, but not so loud that people at the restaurant entrance can hear you burst out. It’s okay if he chews with his mouth open, this is if you rear goats. That’s the only explanation. I don’t know how handsome a brother would be, that would want to make me overlook his goat-like chewing habits.
So, what if he pulls up with a Toyota corolla? What if he trekked down there? What if he used uber? And what if he doesn’t have a car? I feel you people do too much with judging men who are still trying to figure their lives out. Breath and let men breath. If she shows up with a body con gown and a belle that could be seen a mile away. You don’t have to body shame her or pretend you aren’t their date. Some of you are too rude for my liking. Talking about the first thing your eye catches, am I like that? Yes, I am. But it’s me, so it’s okay.
While on a date, leave the secret inspections and just enjoy. loosen up and gulp that glass of chill wine down your throat. We know, the first date gives off goofy vibes, but try and enjoy. Like I said earlier, I go on dates to explore new restaurants and eat good food.
