No one tells you about Adulthood, no warnings at all. You’ll go to bed one day as a stubborn teenager and wake up the next day as a 26-year-old struggling to pay rent in Lagos. At this point you’d wonder why your parents didn’t just quietly go to bed the night you were conceived. Maybe they should have missed that night, and you just wouldn’t have been conceived in a random man’s house, God would have moved you to Otedola loins or Okoya’s. But tada! Just kidding. He said.
If you grew up in a typical Nigerian Home, you probably are conversant with the phrase “face your books now so you’d enjoy later” well, guess who faced her books? Me and 500 million others. We faced the book, and now guess what decided to face us? Nigeria. It’s one thing to be an adult and another thing is being an Adult in Nigeria, I probably offended an eze mmuo in my past life na why. Even the one they said “you are the leaders of tomorrow” we are yet to lead. Who are we leading when we are a bunch of unserious adults learning the next tiktok trends? Na wetin dey give us peace we dey do.
Adulthood is like a subscription service you never signed up for, but you’ll be debited anyway. As a child, I wanted to be a Lawyer, but no one advised me twice after I became a Jamb Ambassador twice. I had a switch of career path to anything dem give me I go study. Personally, whoever subscribed to this adulthood thing, should remove me from the plan. The adulthood anthem is “omo”. Omo is a complete sentence depending on the context.
Bills, bills, bills and more bills. We spend more than we earn, e reach my time for adulthood, everything hard. I can’t even satisfy my cravings again without planning two weeks ahead of the cravings. I know I am not the only one in this WhatsApp group except you want dey lie.
I was on the bus to work today and one sister kept pushing me as if I was not paying. I was already pissed because Spotify removed my last 1300 from my account. I had good plans for that 1300-naira, which kind mumu music I dey listen to? I told her “my sister, if you push me again inside this bus, na your leg I go climb siddon, because at this point, na you dey pay this bus for me” she rudely said “ make you sef no shift when you suppose shift” the driver wasn’t having any of our shenanigans, “na outside I go throw una last last, werey”. God abeg, na everyday I go dey fight inside danfo?” I thought.
Adulthood will test you, you can’t even survive without data, and data these days is being paid through the nose. How I want take buy house for banana island like this? How much is dove please? Person no suppose to suffer like this after Christ died for us na. he already paid the price abi? At the end of the month, after paying all bills, you’ll look at your account balance and start singing “it is well with my soul” sometimes you can’t even sing na “oh chim” you go dey shout.
The fact that PHCN forced everyone to join Band A light is even enough to drive you insane in the streets of Lagos. Where dem think say person dey carry money from? I left home to feed home don go back home make home sef feed am. I slept as a child and woke up to buying food. You mean no more free food? As a child, food magically appeared in the house. You just walked into the kitchen, and there was rice, stew and maybe even a surprise pot of egusi, Afang soup or jollof rice casually resting in the pot on the stove. Now? You enter your Adult kitchen and realize that the food you thought magically appeared in your parent’s kitchen wasn’t magic after all. If you don’t buy your groceries or stuck up your kitchen, hunger go humble you. You’ll start respecting your parents, because your mom would return from the market and immediately and magically cook three pots of soup. You? You’ll enter Jakande market and go back to preparing the meal after three days.
Let’s talk about work, stress and soft life dreams. Nna eh! No one prepares you for this. Every morning your alarm goes off, and you whisper, “is this the life I prayed for?” if you have a 9-5, you’ll deal with a boss who thinks your personal time doesn’t exist. As per, excuse me sir/ma, le me kuku cut my head for you na. If you are a business owner, there’s one mbgeke customer who was sent by your village people to frustrate your life. Oga no stress me if you no dey buy anything. No be crayfish I dey sell.
Then there’s traffic, Lagos traffic will make you rethink your entire existence. One minute you are an ambitious young adult, the next minute, you are stuck in traffic questioning your choices. “wetin dey happen like this? Which kind life be this” just when you are thinking about your life, you are handed a cold water by the danfo window from a traffic vendor, “oga commot that water from my face” he curses you back because everybody dey craze for Lagos.
Social Life? We don’t know that one, I don’t know how people in lagos go through traffic wahala and still have energy to party, omo, I just wan sleep. I remember when I used to dream of Friday nights out with my friends. Now, I just pray for Friday to come so I’d rest through the weekend. When someone invites me out, the first thing I do is calculate transport fare, traffic + money to spend. All that equals me staying in my bed and streaming my favorite Korean or youtube movie. No be me abeg. Let’s assume you make it out, by 9pm, your body is begging you for sleep. At this point, it’s not you. Na Adulthood.
But guess what guys, we are Nigerians, we are programmed to move regardless. Despite the stress, we still find small joy. An unexpected credit alert lifting our moods. Finding cheap suya or experiencing a full day of Nepa showing you love and care.so yes, my fellow adults. Try dey chop life small make life no chop you.
